I often feel these three things throughout my day. I have a good life but on certain days this critical side overtakes me and for a brief moment I review my station against the great cosmos projected from some fractal born of my childhood brain.
That's the mindset I am talking about. When I am here I measure my magnitude. I measure my effectivenes. I measure my sense of need.
In this place I can wildy obssess the entire day. “Thought Storms” roll in across my front lobes and suddenly each step matter - each communication. The same powerful brain system that aims deep vectors into “flow” cartesian zones turns it around and has it careen carelessly through the dark borrows of frustration.
I am anxious these days about my abilities and their effectiveness. I have escaped a previously well understood orbit and now flouder in space searching for my next gravitational pull. It feels like transition from a mountain of changes. I feel the hollow eyes of a ghost when I stand in front of a mirror.
I feel disconnected and removed from the joys of discovery. The long lost warmth of creative explosions far from my frigid fingers and fallen face.